pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
Randomize
