NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
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