so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
I met the friendliest cop last night
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Randomize
