I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
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