I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Randomize
