I molested 6 butterflies tonight
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
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