I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
