You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Randomize
