are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
It's like God shit irony all over that family
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
