That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
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I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
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Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
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