Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
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