the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
