you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
I just want nice things and good sex
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
