On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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