oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize