My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
