i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Randomize
