the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
