my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
Randomize
