see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Randomize
