shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
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