my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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