My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
