I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Randomize
