come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Randomize
