Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Randomize
