you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Randomize
