I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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