Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
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