Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Randomize
