I think im going to throw up on grandma
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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