i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
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