I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
Randomize
