Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize