I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Randomize
