That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
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