My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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