I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
and you said cock pushups were impossible
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Randomize
