is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
