Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
Tornado booty call.. dedication
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
