I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Randomize
