How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
