i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
