I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
I skipped work to stalk him.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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