R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
