i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
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