sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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