Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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