I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Randomize
