you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Randomize
