Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
Randomize
