he thought i was a dude.
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
