i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
I have all the porn. Be there soon
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