Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
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swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
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Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
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