Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
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