she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
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