that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
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