I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
