There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
