Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
