Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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