Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
