She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
