I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Randomize
