dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
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