I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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