I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
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He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
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The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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