Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Randomize
