I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Randomize
