Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
